Mu pea on mõtteid nii täis, et vahepeal tuleb neid maha laadida ja korrastada, selgust luua. Olen viimased umbes 5 aastat olnud mingis veidras keerises. Tunnen, et vajan muutust, aga ei tea millist; tahan teistsugust elu, aga ei tea millist jne. Mul on vist keskeakriis 🙂 Tänaseks olen enda jaoks sõnastanud eesmärgid, kuhu tahan jõuda, loonud endale selgust ja teen teadlikke pingutusi sihile jõudmiseks. Luban endale protsessi nautimist ja vajadusel eesmärkide ümbersõnastamist. Olen avastanud, et plaani sõnastamine aitab mul fookust hoida ja tegutseda, hoiab mõtted positiivsel poolel.
“Joonistan iga päev” väljakutse on samuti osa protsessist. Mulle meeldib joonistada ja mulle endale tundub, et tuleb päris hästi välja, seega tahan seda oma ellu tagasi tuua. Alguses joonistasin poolsalaja, sest olen oma ebakindluses haavatav, aga julgustav on kuulda, kuidas mu teismeline tütar peaaegu kiidab mind ja pakub teemasid joonistamiseks.
Sel nädalal katsetasin akvarellidega. Pliiatsiga on mul head suhted, aga värvid on minu mugavustsoonist väga väljas. Oh, kuidas mulle meeldis! Need on kiired visandid, viimased 15 minutit enne magamaminekut, aga nii toredad tulid.
My head is so full of thoughts that they need to be downloaded and defragmented to create some clarity. For the last five years or so I’ve been in a weird turmoil. I feel that I need a change, but don’t know what kind, I want to live differently, but don’t know how etc. Maybe it’s a middle age crisis 🙂
For now I’ve figured out the goals I want to reach, created at least some clarity for myself and am making conscious efforts to achieve my goals. I’m allowing myself to enjoy the process and rephrase the preset milestones if necessary. I’ve realized how laying out a plan helps me keep my focus and keeps me actually doing things, helping to keep my thoughts on the positive side.
“Daily drawing” challenge is also part of the process. I really do like to draw and I think I’m pretty good at it, so I want to bring this practise back into my life. At first I kept my drawing semi secret, because I’m very vulnerable in my insecurity, but lately it’s been assuring to hear my teenage daughter almost praise me and she even offers ideas for my drawing!
This week I played with watercolours. I feel somewhat custom with a pencil, but paints are so out of my comfort zone. Boy, I liked it! These sketches are super fast, my last 15 minutes before going to bed, but they turned out really nice!